olivefingers

Grand Central Station

olivefingers — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 16:55:02 +0000

Big doin’s in our building today and I thought you should know. The restrooms on the first five floors are closed so ours (on the sixth floor) are – as my friend put it – "Grand Central Station". So annoying.

I’m not one to raise a problem without proposing a solution so, at my friend’s suggestion, I’ve crafted a sign which reads:

"Wow, how embarrassing. Profuse apologies for the mistake but these restrooms are closed, too. You wouldn’t want to use them, anyway; the people that work on this floor are unclean. Please feel free to use the sweet-smelling, spacious and plush facilities on the 8th (or any other) floor."

I’m taking this to management immediately. Cross your fingers, guys – I really have to pee.

Can you have “road rage” if you aren’t driving?

olivefingers — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 19:22:29 +0000

I’ve been feeling a little ragey lately and, after much deliberation and thorough analyses, I’ve found that the common denominator is PEOPLE. People and what they do. People and what they say. Honestly, I come into contact with enough jackassery in my work and personal life (and, I’m sure, I am the source of some of it) to satisfy a lifetime quota of jackass. Pile social networking on top of that and we’re talking jackass to the bobillionth power! The exposure is too much. TOO MUCH.

Am I going to quit FB or Twitter? Yeah, probably not. Those awkward photos you took in Vegas are not going to peep themselves! Farmville doesn’t come in a board game to be enjoyed at home ,as far as I know (Totally joking about that one; my crops died ages ago.). There’s no going back now.

And Twitter? You can’t even speak aloud about Twitter without sounding like a pretentious (and nerdy) ass. “Shaq tweeted such and such…” “My tweet has been RETWEETED 20 TIMES!” “OMG, Major Author @ replied to me!” See what I mean? Ok, that last “hypothetical” situation really happened. And, yes, it was awesome HOWEVER. However. I don’t even know what I was going to say. I “follow” people when I think they are interesting and/or amusing. It’s been a constant disappointment, I have to say. It’s hard to be funny or interesting in 140 characters. All I’m saying is think twice before posting your diatribe on airplane food. Or the DMV. Nine times out of ten it’s been said before A LOT BETTER. I try to be judicious with my characters but I will occasionally fawn over something or someone and, in the process, use the phrase “anticipatory pants-pee”. Seriously, just think twice.

Did I really just type out two paragraphs of commentary on SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES? I might as well have said, “What’s the deal with airplane food?” I’m trying not to edit myself or I’ll never post anything. You’re going to have to deal with the bad along with the not-quite-as-bad.

Along with school starting comes the anxiety that my children will morph suddenly into the kids that drive teachers and classmates crazy. Is that a thing? Does that happen? They are so excited to go back to school that it would be wholly unfortunate if they spazzed out and had to be home schooled. NOBODY WANTS THAT.

Ok, maybe I want that a *little*. It would be great for the 47 minutes…you know, before the first murder happened.

hello you

olivefingers — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 00:35:20 +0000

Some things you need to know this time around:

1) I will probably not be any better at updating.

2) I still don’t know how to edit CSS and cannot for the life of me get that freaking “another winter without thunder snow” subhead off the page. It seemed like a good idea at the time and now it’s permanent. (“The time” being that nanosecond I was obsessed with the idea of Snow! And Thunder! Occurring simultaneously!?)

3) I’m older, fatter and have less time to goof around on the internet than I did before. (Yes, I am trying to get you lower your expectations.)

4) I have an appointment with a mental health professional coming up who will be, hopefully, able to tell me if I have ADD or am simply a flighty goofball with a major inability to concentrate and/or follow through.

Is it sad that I’m hoping for the disorder?